We’re all Unsteady here..

              Shes reaching out a hand,

      As much for something to hold onto,

             As to help pull you through….

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Anxious 

I have a nervous tick

Where my forefinger and my thumb

Try to attach to my bottom lip

In the middle of every conversation. 

Like my hand has a duty

To my mouth. 

Maybe it will shut it

Before the bad things come out. 

But I still sigh when people speak to me. 

And say it’s them that are exhausting. 

Full Circle

You make hating myself easy. 

Because it’s so easy for you,

To turn me inside out.

I beat bruises into my thigh,
They are easier to justify.

Self harm doesn’t have to be scars. 

And these teeth clattering sobs,

This chest heaving,

Panic attack inducing breathing

Has started to spell out..

Karma. 

At the Check Out

There is a boy at the cash register 

Who thinks you will stumble over a smile,

While he laughs like the breeze,

But I am not an open window. 

And I am sure on my feet. 

These words are a pleasantry.

Not a spark or a conversation,

Over a 30 second transaction,

And my name isn’t “Hun”. 

Monday Morning 

It is Monday morning,

And I need the implied motivation

Of a new week.  

I’m stuck in a 7 day cycle

Left on repeat. 

It is Monday morning,

And my scalp is screaming

As I run a brush through my hair

For the first time 

since Wednesday evening. 

Being gentle isn’t working,

I need this to remind me

To take better care of my body. 

I keep telling myself it will get easy,

Next week is the week

For habit breaking. 

But this takes me back to

Before I knew 

depression had a name.

I only recognized it 

by the shape it would take

When mama couldn’t leave her bed. 

I promised that would never be me. 

So I will keep battling. 

Till next Monday morning. 

Unlove

He already knows he loves me more. 

But I keep spouting off 

these deep proclimations 

Describing a level of love 

I can’t even comprehend. 

And words do not replace emotion. 

But what about actions?

I’ve spent the last three years sacrificing. 

And if that is nothing

So am I.